The Effects of Infertility on Sexuality
It should come as no surprise that infertility can negatively affect your sexuality. In some cases, infertility can lead to sexual problems while for other couples sexual problems can lead to infertility.
If you and your partner have reached the point where making love has become a chore and not a pleasure, then it’s time to understand that you need to separate your sexuality from your infertility problems.
This may be hard to do since when couples are having trouble conceiving this is often all that they can focus on.
The Negative Impact of Infertility on your Sex Life
Every couple goes through changes in their sex life and sexual desire through the course of their relationship. However, these changes are different from those that are the direct result of dealing with fertility problems.
Add infertility treatments and medications into the mix and the changes in your sex life can be quite dramatic.
Perhaps the most obvious issue when you’re trying to get pregnant, is that the goals and purpose of your sexuality with each other completely changes.
Before thoughts of having a child your sex life was no doubt fun and playful.
The sole purpose of sex was to receive and give pleasure. Now that you’re trying to conceive, the goal of sex is much different and has moved from having fun to procreation.
Sex is most likely not as spontaneous as it once was. Instead, it’s a task that needs to be performed according to the calendar.
Most couples who are trying to conceive only schedule sex on those days when the woman is ovulating.
Sexual intimacy has gone from fun to simply focused on having intercourse so that the egg can be fertilized.
Feeling like a Failure Impacts Sexuality
The time when a couple is first trying to get pregnant can be exciting and stimulating.
As month after month passes without conception taking place, the act of sex for producing a baby can start to be associated with feelings of failure.
Month after month this feeling of failure will intensify when you still aren’t pregnant. You may start to feel that no matter how excited and enthusiastic you are, that there really isn’t a point to having sex since you most likely won’t get pregnant anyway.
As month after month passes the stress starts to add and before you know it neither of you has any desire for intimacy at any time of the month.
The feeling of being a failure intensifies and becomes a huge block on your outlook at pregnancy and what is for most couples a very natural act.
Medical Treatments May Decrease Sexuality
If you’ve been diagnosed with infertility you’re most likely going to go through a lot of medical tests and treatments. Some of these tests and treatments can be very invasive.
Your reproductive organs will no longer seem like your own as you and your partner are examined, x-rayed, and even biopsied. The natural process of making your baby is now much more like a clinical procedure.
There is no longer any privacy or intimacy between the two of you. It can be hard to feel good about yourself or your body at this difficult time much less think about having fun and exciting sex.
Separating Infertility Sex with Intimacy Sex
When you’re trying to conceive there’s really no way that you can avoid having sex when you’re ovulating.
If you’ve been dealing with infertility for a while now, both you and your partner will know exactly where you are in your ovulation cycle.
This means that you’ll have to have sex because you’re ovulating or are taking fertility drugs. Try to use different forms of sexual stimulation on those “fertile” days when you know you’re going to have sex.
This can include fantasy or watching erotic films. The idea is to create some different rituals for what has become the chore of making a baby.
Create a romantic atmosphere in the bedroom so that your intimate encounter is one focused on love and your relationship and not just on getting pregnant.
The Importance of Regaining your Sexuality
It’s important that you find a way to separate your sexuality from your infertility. The longer you and your partner undergo infertility treatments, the greater chance there is that your sexual relationship is going to be damaged.
Once the intimacy part of your relationship is gone it can be hard to get it back. After months of having sex only for procreation, it can be difficult to recapture the pleasure and passion that you once enjoyed.
If you’re working with a fertility clinic it’s a good idea to take advantage of the counselling services that most of them offer.
You and your partner need to talk to someone about the changes that are happening to your sex life and your sexuality.
The key to surviving infertility is not letting the stress and anxiety of wanting to have a baby interfere with other areas of your life, especially the intimacy that you share with each other.